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We've been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered many challenges, which I admire. Yet, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise by people. Her partner left her, which came as a huge shock. Many of her friends vanished during that time, as they were only interested in him. It shocked her. She put in more effort to be my friend, probably grasped better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, several in her circle have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. The company she worked for became hostile, although she was an excellent employee, she departed without knowing what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us left the workforce and are seeing time together, however, I feel my role in the relationship is as the audience. I open topics of conversation but she shifts them to things she cares about. Politically, she expresses unyielding views. I try to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She is planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to many times and lived in previously. I attempted to share personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She really solely sought validation of her plans. I've just come back from 30 days there she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, yet I doubt she will ever comprehend the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, yet this is rarely a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution takes courage and openness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be based on facts and essentially an unbiased account. The second is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Emotions belong to you, of course. Finally involves requesting how the two of you will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Consider your friend has her own side, so you need to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to not say anything for a set time."

This can be effective to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

Your friend could ignore all you say, for those who cling to a deep-seated story: they rely on a version about themselves they're unable to let go of as it feels essential is tied to it and it represents they trust. It's tough because there's no easy route here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may at first react defensively then consider your perspective. And even if you never reach a fix, it provides closure from having been open and direct.